First Few Days..

For those that follow Bree's blog, you know how very happy I was that I woke up on the 21st to being a girl. I was not happy about it at all. I do not blame Sarah for what happened to me. It was my own actions that caused me to be in this new body of mine. And at the loss of my own life, I feel like in the past 3 or so days I have been going through the stages of death. Those captions that Mysterious posted for me were more when I was in the middle of my denial phase.

I hated what happened, what I had lost, most of all I hated Bree more because I felt that there had to be some cause and she was the one that fit most. She was out there spreading her story and I was hurting so much. I will say that when I first came to terms with what happened on the 21st, I looked at myself in the mirror and fell to my knees crying uncontrollably.

Tears just flowed down my face for an hour or longer as I continued to see my new reflection. My life as Carl was over. I knew that all too well from the very few blog posts that I had read of Bree's. No one would know who Carl even was. My completely redesigned apartment was a testament to that fact. So after I picked myself off the floor, I was angry. I hated that I had lost me so very completely just from my girlfriend's words.

So I found someone to blame, and that was Bree. I sent that picture of Sasha Cane over to Mysterious and then had him post up my words of anger to Bree. Since I was still in New York, I started plotting my path to Miami to find Bree. I did this to give myself a goal, an objective. So she was it. I packed up a bag of decent looking clothes and then got on a plane to Miami.

It took me just a few hours till I pulled up in front of her house in my rental car. I could have gone to her door and confronted her right there but I didn't. I knew that would be wrong, but it still did not dissipate my anger so I just hung around Miami watching her as she went about her life. To prove whether she was magical, I walked towards her on a street as she left work. If she was really my maker then she should know the real me. But even after she bumped into me, I was but a stranger to her. She did not even give me a second thought or glance as I said an apology and she moved on.

So I decided I would do research into Carolyn's life and pick it up where she left off. But I am doing so from a Hotel room in Miami as I start to settle down and sort out just how I am going to work out all of this and find a way to reclaim my old existence.

I do hope to find a chance to talk to Bree about all of this at some point. Even though I was initially mad at her, I want to talk to someone that can understand at least some of what I am going through.

-Carolyn