Autopilot And Me

Work has been super busy, I have a lot that I need to get through before I can even head back to Miami. It kind of sucks since I am hearing that there is quite a lot going on down there. But still I think what with the war the body and I are having that it is for the best. Today I did something that made me feel really relaxed, I did not just let myself fall into autopilot when I was getting ready. I did all of the motions that I had seen her make for weeks now. I put on the makeup myself. It was odd because it felt..good to do so. I think it is sort of a reward system.

If I do it myself then it will not do it for me and will actually make me feel good about doing it. I made a couple of mistakes but when I thought I was done, it fixed them. So it seems like it just matters if I am trying. This is an interesting part of this little predicament I have. I will need to talk to one of my sisters and see if I let it dip into autpilot and flirt to see how far it goes. And then when I take control if I can control how far it does.

I think that would be a good idea so that I do not have to avoid men like the plague. At work, I have become a little more friendly to them but it is still hard for me to be buddies with them just yet. So until I figure out this system, I will just continue to be the Cold Carolyn that they seemed to have named me at the Water cooler.